A perfect mother

would know the perfect balance between being involved and leaving alone--according to the need of each child (for indeed this illusive perfect balance is different for each child). And a perfect mother would have the will power to put that knowledge into practice.

I am not a perfect mother.

R.'s last year of college

is about to begin. D. and I will drive her to OKC tomorrow, leaving at 6am. I am feeling kind of sad. Not just about her leaving, but also because in another 2-3 days D. will also be leaving. But then, this is the Empty Nest blog.

R. has had a good summer for the most part. She is feeling pretty good about facing her last year of college. It will be a challenge with student teaching in the spring and one more standardized test to get her teaching certificate. It is probably too early to worry about it yet, but finishing college means getting a job, and if she were to actually get a teaching job for next year, those applications would need to be made during the spring too. She has to think through where she wants to locate, if she wants to move back to Texas and try to get a Texas certificate after having an Oklahoma one. We have to decide whether we would want her to live with us after she graduates. Turning the end of our house into a separate apartment again is a possibility. We don't need to think too hard about these matters at the moment, but they are in the back of our minds.

And for her, she has to emotionally be ready to take another step of independence. She has fears of living alone but where she lives will have a lot to do with where she gets a job.

Lord, these are concerns on my heart. Take care of R. Help her in the immediate days to transition into a new living situation without a roommate, with new classes. Help her to find a job that suits her. Help her to find the friends that she needs, even though many of her classmates have already graduated or changed schools. Help her to trust you about having or not having a boyfriend. I know she is at the age and place in life that she wants to get married and have a home of her own. Many of her friends will be getting engaged or married. Help her to trust you with this aspect of her life. Bring the right man to her at the right time--may he think of her as a precious gift from you and love her without hesitation.

Lord, help me too. I'm feeling sad. I'm happy that my kids are all doing so well, that they all love you. But I'm sad because I miss them and I have to let them go. Help me to trust you for their well-being.

Victory in Jesus

I hate that song. I refuse to sing it. They sang it in church this morning, so I just stood there and remembered all the bad things associated in my mind with that song. How I trusted him, how I listened to him, how I did what he said because he was my pastor. How he would play that song on his accordion.

He failed me. He failed his wife. He failed God most of all. That's why I hate that song.

Cats and Dogs

Someone I know is like a puppy dog:
happy
adoring
not worried about what people think
forgiving
stupid
too eager to please
nondiscriminating

Someone else I know is like a cat:
aware
cautious
smart
counting the cost
sedentary
aloof
secretly enjoying the attention

Cats and dogs can't get along together, can they?

Linda, this is God talking

I love her more than you do. I will take care of her. I will take care of her better than you can. I actually know what is best for her, I know better than you. You need to trust me on this one.

Love, God

p.s. I love you, too.

And further down

I did go shopping with R. on Wednesday and survived. By some miracle we found a pair of jeans that fit in a record amount of time, as well as a pair of khakis. We didn't stay as long as she wanted and she dropped her shopping list somewhere on aisle 9, so we need to go again. Maybe Saturday? Lord, help her has she emotionally and mentally prepares for a transition back to school. Strengthen her, help her to trust you in all areas of her life, fill her with your joy. Thank you for a good summer for her.

D. is starting to get ready to leave too, but he doesn't want much help. He put new speakers in "his" "new" car, and blue lights inside. Now that the MCAT is over he is reading things like journal articles called "Three-Dimensional Electron Microscopy at Molecular Resolution." He's supposed to be doing some programming for G., but I think his car speakers are drawing him away. Lord, help him as he prepares to leave home and start a career. Help him to trust you in all areas of his life, to love you, and to love others.

Summer winding down

We are starting to think about and work toward the fall moves for R. and D. R. is finally doing the homework she was supposed to do all summer, and she's begging me to take her shopping (I hate shopping). She's had a good summer, with 2-3 notable bad times, but good for the most part. She hasn't been too stressed and she's made some new friends and she's had some new experiences. She heads back to her last year at college, with its set of challenges, next Wednesday.

We've made some decisions about D.'s move to DC. He decided to drive the "new" car. They have all but finalized his approval to live in the Presbyterian house. He will leave Aug. 29 or 30. He will move in on Sept 1, and his job starts Sept. 2. Lots of changes in store for him. The Time magazine that arrived yesterday had a picture of a colorful fat molecule on it--"That's what I'm going to be doing at my new job--making these kinds of pictures with an electron microscope."

Lord, help me as we start another time of transition. Help me to know how and when to be involved, and how and when to back off. Take care of them as they leave again. Draw them close to yourself as they start the next phase. Help me to cope with my empty nest.

Phlebotomy

I wonder if I spelled that correctly? We will visit the medical vampire this morning. Until then, no food, just water.

We usually do physicals every year, but I think we skipped last year. Mostly it is the same report: you should eat less, exercise more, but other than that you are in good health. We'll see what they say this year. I'm a little bit concerned because it seems like I've been noticing my heart beating in recent months. Yeah, I know, it beats all the time. But I don't usually notice or feel it beating. My mom has had heart problems--both my mom and her mom have pacemakers. Hmm...I guess I'm ready to die (though I did want to see my grandkids first...). But I can't get morbid yet. Today is only the blood-letting; the physicals are three or four weeks away.

Emaciated? I don't think so.

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College Bible study

Last night was the final meeting of our summer college Bible study. It lasted for 8 weeks, on Friday nights. We studied the Gospel of John, and "read" the text via a movie made from the TEV version of the gospel. G. lead the study for all weeks except I did it once when he was away. His approach was to study the major themes presented in John and show how these were manifested in the OT. The themes for the eight weeks were Christ is :

1. The Word
2. Living Water
3. Bread of LIfe
4. Light of the world
5. Lamb of God/Good Shepherd
6. Truth
7. Unity
8. The King

The whole idea of having this study was mine, but I was happy that G. liked the idea and was willing to put in the time of study and preparation each week. He did a good job.

After the study, there was a time of games and food and socializing. I used this as a time to observe how twenty-something young people iinteract with each other. It seems this group had more than its share of intelligent introverts. They like to socialize too, at least a little, as long as someone else initiates the interaction.

All in all, it was a good time. If I had it to do over again, I'd do a couple things differently. One thing, I would not worry about how big the house was and open it to all post-HS kids. I think some kids got left out who would have liked to come.

Java programmer

G. needs one. He says they're a dime a dozen coming out of college, but scarce as hens' teeth in our organization. He also needs a Cocoon programmer. (I don't really even know what Cocoon is, but I guess it is a programming language.)

No cooking tonight

Yay! I didn't have to cook dinner tonight. Why? you ask.* Well, D. and his "friend" decided to make dinner. I'm all for that! He went to the store and bought a few ingredients and they made tacos, Mexican rice, and heated some vegetables. Not bad. And--the best part--they cleaned up the kitchen afterwards.

I say "friend" because it is probably too early in the relationship to say "girlfriend." I pray that the Lord will lead them clearly and they will honor him in their relationship. D. has a lot of years of education ahead of him if he wants to become a doctor, so I don't know how that fits into the equation either.

R. is saying goodbye to one of her friends tonight. They have gone to Bible study. He "doesn't date," so there was never any need to worry about what to call him :-) He has been a good friend to her this summer--made her get involved at church--and I think she has helped him to broaden his horizons a little too. They just drove off to Bible study with her driving--this might be only the second or third time she's driven in the last 6 months. Lord, keep them safe! He did say a funny thing to her early this summer (well, at least I thought it was funny) "I don't want to spend time with you because then I might like you." He would make Joshua Harris proud.

*I use the pronoun rhetorically, since I have no evidence that anyone reads this. I know a couple people have read one or two entries in the past, but I suspect no one reads it regularily.

Overbearing nag

That's what I am. I expect too much, I demand too much, I ask for too much. At least that is what I'm told. I guess the only thing I'm doing right is making sure they get an education so they can get a job that pays enough that they don't have to live with me forever. And when they leave, they won't have to listen to me anymore. I'm not saying this with anger. I just saying it factually. I believe that if they live in my house I get to set the rules about curfew, regardless of their age or educational status. If they pay the bills in their own homes, then I won't have anything to say about what they do, when they do it, or with whom they do it. Or what time they get out of bed.

No thanks

Twelve people enjoyed it. One person said thank you. Perhaps I expect too much.

An answer to prayer?

I've been praying for D.'s housing situation for some weeks now. He needs to find housing in the Washington DC area for at least the next year, maybe two years. We don't know many people there, and we've been so busy with A. that we haven't yet put much effort into helping D. find anything. But we've started working on the problem today. I hung up the phone after talking to D. about the topic and found an email in my inbox. It was an invitation for D. apply for a spot in a residential Christian leadership training program intended for people with full time jobs in the the DC area. Lord, show him if this would be the way you want him to go.

35%

of the world's languages have one book of the Bible written in them.

That fact is brought to you from G., who came home at lunch today and said, "I might be the only person in the world who knows the answer to this question: what percentage of the world's languages have at least one book of the Bible written in them? Then he went on to say, "Well, in the next hour or so Ray will also look at the data and he will know that too."

How did you get that information? "I ran a query."

The next edition of the Ethnologue is due out soon.

The well-loved, love well

I can love because I am loved.
I can love you because God loves me.
I can forgive because I am forgiven.
I can forgive you because God has forgive me.

The story that never ends

Tonight we had Bible study again. Our group was a little smaller than usual because a few kids have had to leave Dallas. We have just two more weeks to go to finish the Gospel of John. I think next week we are going to have a cooperative pizza making party after the study.


After a couple hours of card games, the group decided to do some kind of cooperative storytelling. One person stared with a few sentences, then on to the next person to add a couple sentences, and so on. It was pretty funny to see the difference between the kinds of story elements the boys bring in (bows and arrows, blood) and the ones the girls bring in (conversation Valentine hearts). But really, I don't think this story is ever going to get to the "they lived happily ever after" part. It just keeps going and going.

Oh wait, it just turned one minute after midnight, and they did end up living happily ever after. Yay! I love happy endings.

Be careful what you say online

because it might catch up with you. Tonight I was browsing through a copy of Boston Magazine (we get a free subscription which I usually just toss), and found my son's name in it along with a quote he made on the Kennedy School of Government's electronic bulletin board.

I need a day off

I need a day or two with no one around to think. And maybe read a little. Or maybe I need someone to talk to.

Well, Mr. Blog, I guess I talk to you.

I have a couple questions for you: Is she boy-crazy, or just plain crazy?

Another question: If a chickadee is doing exactly as I could possibly wish, why am I so sad?

And another: Do my prayers do any good?