The World is Flat

Gary talks about this book all the time, and now I have evidence that it is true: you just never know who is going to find your blog and make a comment. I now know there are people on the internet who actually know what my screen name means. Amazing how the world has changed!

Thanking God for Growth

For those of you who know me IRL and care about me as a real person, you know that all too often over my life I have worried about Rachel. Always worried about this or that or the other thing. Or maybe I should say, "this and that and the other thing all at once." And sometimes I've let that angst show in this blog.

So I feel like I should now say that I am really pleased with the changes and progress I've seen in her life since March: She's re-learned how to drive and is doing better at that than I would have imagined possible. (Which isn't to say I expect her to ever become one of the world's top 10 drivers. :-) She's purchased her own car and her own car insurance. She has looked for and found numerous families to babysit for. She has completed substitute teacher orientation for two public and two Christian schools, and is regularly finding sub jobs. She teaches children's church once a month and works in the church nursery once a month. She has started a system for keeping track of both her income and her expenses. She does her own meal preparation, cleaning and shopping (though sometimes she tricks me into helping :-). She has learned how to cook a couple real meals. She has taken on full financial responsibility for herself (and her cat :-), although the amount we charge her for our garage apartment is not quite up to market value. In other words, she has done a lot of social and emotional growing in the past six months and I want to acknowledge that.

I suppose these things might not sound like such a big deal to any random person reading this blog, but if you knew the history, you'd know why I'm making a point to mention how self-sufficient she has become. I've spent a lot of my life worrying about things Rachel could not do, or could not do as easily, quickly, or gracefully as her peer group. So now I just want to give her credit for getting on with her life.

And I also want to give thanks to God, who has worked in my heart to let go of Rachel in a slow but steady way, and who has helped Rachel to grow in a slow but steady way. (Without doubt we both have many remaining "issues" that can always use prayer; but in this post, I'm not talking about them.)

Empathy

How does it make you feel when you turn your sandals over and discover a thumbtack stuck in the sole?

A Note of Thanks

Sometimes I drag myself down in a pool of self-pity when I feel unappreciated or ignored or looked down upon. I know, I'm stupid and shouldn't do that. So I try to just put my hurt aside and go on with life.

But today, it was the opposite. I got a thank you note from a young man thanking me for sticking my neck out for him two years ago.

Matthew 13:45-46

You are the pearl:
precious,
priceless,
worth more than all other things

Put together:
your irritating dirt,
My soothing nacre,
surely it will happen

With time:
the beauty,
the value,
is of great price.

I gave up everything to get you.

Time for Another Flower Post

It has been a while since I've posted any flower photos. You've got to admire these Longneck Ruel wildflowers. They have not only simply survived the hot summer drought, they are actually flourishing in our neighborhood at the moment.

My best friend brought over some roses for our party last Sunday. They opened up nicely during the middle of the week, but by yesterday they were starting to droop. I found a way to lengthen their lives and give us the opportunity to enjoy them a few more days. The glass bowl was a wedding gift from Dr. and Mrs. Ken Pike which I hardly ever use, but it works well for this.


Speaking of roses, Rachel's Valentine Cupido miniature rose bush seems to have appreciated the rain we got a couple weeks ago because now it is blooming again.

Deal Breaker

Last night it was quite amusing to listen to Rachel and Laura discuss what would be a "deal-breaker" for any guys who were interested in Rachel. Rachel seemed to have specific ideas about age and height and weight, and Laura agreed with her "except if he annually makes more than 40 times his monthly mortgage payment," then maybe she wouldn't need to be quite so picky! We all got a laugh out of that.

They both agreed he should be a Christian and have a job and want to have kids (preferably biological, but adopted would be OK too).

Laura pointed out that there were a couple things that could have been deal-breakers for Andrew, except that these were things that were easily changeable. And we all noticed that Andrew no longer wears white socks. :-)

Pick Me! Pick Me!

Remember those days in elementary school when they were chosing up teams during PE class? The strong were chosen to be captains, and their job was to choose teams. Those kids with no pride would yell, "pick me, pick me!" in hopes of not being left with the rest of the losers who couldn't play, taken in the last round. Such a cruel procedure.


Sometimes fruit hanging from a tree seems to call out, "pick me, pick me!" too. There is a right time for picking. If one picks the fruit too soon, it is hard, sour, and underdeveloped. If one picks the fruit too late, it is mushy, rotten, and overripe.

If you haven't yet been picked, maybe it is more because you aren't quite ripe yet, rather than you're a loser who can't play.

More On This Topic

The topic of living with adult children came up again tonight. Should an adult child be allowed to ignore the parents' rules--nay, even the parents' wishes--while enjoying mommy's home cookin' and daddy's roof over his head?

I don't think so.

If an adult child can't live by the house rules, then it is time for him or her to find his or her own house.

Failure To Launch

Gary is out of town this week, so Rachel and I decided to watch a chick flick tonight. We saw Failure To Launch. It was kind of stupid, but kind of funny too, and even thought provoking in some ways--especially in view of some of my recent posts.

The movie is about adult men who still live with their parents, and like I said, some of it was pretty funny. The DVD also included some extra stuff, including a not-funny blurb about how the average age of becoming an adult (as defined by becoming independent and moving out of the nest) has gotten older in recent years. It showed real-life men who still live with their parents and real-life parents who make it too easy for their boys to stay. Interesting.

Growing Old

Yeah, I know there will be some readers who will say that I'm too young to be writing about growing old. But I've been thinking a lot recently about growing old, quite possibly brought on by my recent trip with my mom to her place at a retirement mobile home park in south Texas. (Maybe recently re-reading Ecclesiasties has put me in that frame of mind also.)

I still have a mom, so I can't be that old--I'm still the kid, right? But I'm beginning to notice that my mom is getting old. She seems to have gotten a lot older than just a year ago when we all went to Andrew's wedding. In fact, the reason I went on this trip was to help her because she, in her old age, had fallen and hurt herself too much to drive. Mom is slowing down, forgetting things, and her arms are covered with bruises due to taking coumadin.

Then when I walked around her mobile home park I met more people who were dying of cancer, recently widowed, or could only walk by taking the golf cart.

But I think the thing that is making me feel old the most, is my own children. Here we go back to the point of this blog: my nest is empty and I'm still struggling with how to deal with that.

Sometimes I think of friends I went to high school with who were grandparents by age 40. But then Gary reminds me that people who go to college usually marry later and have kids later and have fewer of them. I left the culture of those who marry young and joined a culture of people who go to college. So, if I'm logical about it, it is to be expected that my nest is empty of both kids and grandkids.

Sometimes I wish that my kids were married and had kids too--after all, don't they know that's what life is all about? No, maybe they don't. I guess they don't have to feel that way just because I do. Indeed, many people in their generation are not getting married and are not having kids. Some of them want to, many of them don't. Some are just waiting until "later." By the time they are my age, they won't be looking for grandkids, they will still be helping with homework and driving kids to little league practice. Or maybe not. They may just forego the having kids part altogether and just get rich instead.

Then there are the undeniable physical issues that prove that I'm getting old, menopause being the biggest. No woman would complain about not having periods, but the cessation of menses also brings with it lots of other changes that aren't so easy to deal with, like a foggy brain and other things I can't mention because this is a G-rated blog. Yes, things like that are making me feel old.

The last thing that makes me realize I'm getting old is that I keep forgetting to turn the stove off.

I'm Home

No, not my home--my mom's home. We normally come here just once a year (yes, we both live in Texas, but 500 miles apart) and always at Christmas. So when I walked in today, my mind was flooded with memories: Where is the Christmas tree? (It is August.) Where is grandma? (She died a couple years ago.) And even, where is dad? (He died several years ago.)

There were some fresher memories too: The last time we were here Rachel's (then) bf was here too, and that had been a happy time for her. And tonight I'm sleeping in the bed where Gary and I have spent almost all our 30 anniversary nights (we were married on Christmas).

And some older memories too--many things in this place are things from my childhood. I wonder how much longer mom will live here?

Some Progress

An official name badge seems like progress, doesn't it? Rachel also made herself some homemade photo business cards to give to the school principals and secretaries. Her first attempt at handing one out (at an elementary that was on her way to a babysitting job) proved their usefullness. The principal asked her if she'd like to sub for Kindergarten on Friday.

In an unrelated note, I'm about 24 hours into a migraine, and it turns out that I need to drive to McAllen tomorrow. If you read this in time, you might pray with me that I will get a good sleep tonight and wake up early without a headache.

Separating

The title of this blog has to be reviewed every so often. My nest, at this stage of my life, is supposed to be empty. Since my boys are off, that just leaves Rachel, and she and we continue to try to figure out how to separate. Until now she hasn't had the financial resources to pay her own way, and that means she is still connected to us financially. That means she can't make all her own decisions about everything--that doesn't happen until there is financial independence. That is what we are aiming for, and what she is aiming for.

It is looking likely that she will get on the sub list for two big local school districts soon. It remains to be seen how often she will get called to come in. The pay isn't that great, but Rachel has reminded us that subbing is good experience for a teacher, and that subbing will make her more prepared and more confident to have her own classroom one day. She still has a number of babysitting jobs too, and that helps a little.

I am the impatient type, so it has been hard for me to have her so underemployed since last January. You can pray that God will help me to be more patient.

I think we may have come to a decent compromise that will help me to back off: we are going to ask Rachel to pay for all her own expenses (you know--car insurance, health insurance, phone, gas, food, rent, etc.) starting October 1. Up to this point she has been paying everything except health insurance and rent; unfortunately, adding those two will be a big chunk. But I just feel that she must take that responsibility upon herself. When she does that, it will be easier for me to quit "running her life" and for us to separate.

It will no longer be my concern that she get a job, or get a better job. It is her responsibility to pay her own way, including paying rent to us for our garage apartment. How she comes up with the money to do that is hers to figure out. (That won't stop me from praying that God will provide her with a good full time job that suits her and isn't too far away.)

I have hope that this new arrangement will improve our relationship. It will certainly give her the opportunity to take responsibility for herself, and not always have me telling her what to do. She will be independent because she is financially independent.

21 Seasoning Salute

If anyone out there lives near a Trader Joe's, how about picking me up a jar or two of their 21 Seasoning Salute? Mine's all gone.

The Hive is Growing Quiet

This afternoon Doro left to return to Germany after six and a half weeks at our house. Our house was a hive of activity with her here. I've never met another person as extroverted or active as she is--always having friends here or always going with friends there, or painting a picture, or remodeling the house, or sewing a dress, or talking on the phone, or swimming, or taking photos, or begging to go to Walmart, or, or, or. As a busy bee, and a beautiful one, she had various young men buzzing around too, though she is not ready or interested in having a bf at this stage of her life--she starts university soon (but has to pass the TOEFL test first).

Speaking of bees, they were very annoying at our picnic last night at Cedar Hill State Park. They seem to LOVE Dr. Pepper. Doro avoided that problem by drinking water. But alas, before the night was over, she was the one who got stung.

Then on the way home we all had a big discussion about the name of the stinging insect. Was it a honey bee, a wasp, a hornet? Rachel insisted it was a yellow jacket, and upon further Google research, I think she was right. Not only was it a yellow jacket, it was a German Yellow Jacket.

New Things I've Learned Recently

I had never heard of antlions until our someone informed us that is why our parched yard looks like the lunar surface.



Another thing I've recently learned is a new meaning of the word rifle--"To cut spiral grooves within (a gun barrel, for example)."

Lastly, due to all the red tape I do for Andrew, is the word apostille. To get one in Texas only costs $15 and takes 3 days, kind of like an international version of a notary public authorization.

Passable and Agreeable

"If a girl says, 'I don't care what I look like. If people don't take me for what I am, too bad for them,' is she being wise or is she being unwise?"

"No, women don't have to really be beautiful--all they have to be is passable (that is, not so ugly that you're embarassed to be seen with them) and agreeable (that is, someone you could actually live with)."

"I read a book about a young blind man who thought he could judge women better than his seeing peers. This was because he wasn't blinded by a woman's physical appearance--he could see past the physical and judge a woman for who she really was."

"You should not use outward aids to make yourselves beautiful, such as the way you do your hair, or the jewelery you put on, or the dresses you wear. Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is the of the greatest value in God's sight."

She Can See Clearly Now

Amazing! That piece of glass I ordered from somewhere in Kansas arrived at my doorstep in less than 24 hours! Unbroken! I was tempted by Ma Hoyt's comment yesterday to try to install it myself, and indeed I started the process. But Rachel objected, wisely so, when the insides of the door looked just a bit too complicated. I had gotten as far as taking the door panel apart and vacuuming up the rest of the glass inside the cavity. Rachel called a couple places and found someone only two miles away to install it for $50 cash, so she took it in. An hour later, she has a new door glass.

It was nice of the LORDSKNIGHT to volunteer to "return the favor," but hopefully his sense of chivalry will be subdued now that her car is again operational.

I should also say thanks to Marlon for giving us a lesson on how to use the tire guage and air compressor. Now her tires have more than 12 psi! The brakes are pretty squeaky, but maybe that problem can be solved next week.

Fixing Glass(es) X 3

I spent an hour at the optician office yesterday trying to get Gary's desperately needed reading glasses repaired, but with no luck. So I cannibalized another pair of reading glasses to fix them, at least temporarily.

Then there was the broken pane of glass in R's apartment, which, ironically was broken by a lovely stained glass cat as its chain broke and it fell.


Then there is the broken window in Rachel's car. We tried to get one at a junkyard, but no luck there. But one of the junkyard dealers told us to try the internet. I typed in the search criteria to a generic used car parts site, and within 5 minutes or so I had 10 emails from around the country saying they had it. So I called one place in Kansas and they said they would get it here in 1-2 days! If that really works, I'll have to find someone to install it.