Sunday, October 14, 2007

40 Steps To Remove a Tube of Hand Cream from the Toilet

1. Cry and whine because a tube of hand cream accidently fell into the toilet while it was flushing.

2. Cry some more because the water (etc.) now won't go down the toilet.

3. Decide that to remove the tube of hand cream, one must uninstall the toilet.

4. Remmber that you can't replace the toilet with out a new wax gasket.

5. Go to bed. Do not use that particular toilet either before or after going to bed.

6. Go to church.

7. Go to the big home improvement store and try to figure out why there are so many different wax gaskets to choose from.

8. Buy one anyway.

9. Go home, eat lunch, read How to fix a Toilet in Fix it book. Notice there are no instructions for wax gaskets.

10. Get some tools.

11. Try to remove the rusted nuts.

12. Repeat steps 10 and 11 four or five times.

13. Get hack saw from garden shed.

14. Saw bolts off.

15 Remove toilet and spill water (etc.) all over bathroom floor.

16. Try to remove hand cream which is wedged in one of the S curves at the back of the toilet.

17. Cry.

18. Find a wire coat hanger and devise a fishing pole with a hook on the end.

19. Fish for hand cream from the underneath opening of the toilet.

20. Repeat step 19 for 45 minutes.

21. Notice that green hand cream is coming out the bottom of the toilet.

22. Pull even harder and retrieve tube of hand cream impaled on hooked coat hanger.

23. Be careful not to drop toilet bowl which is now cover with slimy green hand cream.

24. Use half a roll of paper towel to clean up hand cream.

25. Take a breath and be happy that the toilet is no longer clogged with a tube of hand cream.

26. Discover that new wax gasket does not include new bolts. Wish you had bought a different wax gasket that did include new bolts.

27. Find some other bolts.

28. Scrape up and discard gobs and gobs of brown sticky wax from the old gasket. Remember that just because it is soft and brown and comes from the toilet, it is STILL just wax.

29. Install new bolts which are way too long.

30. Install new wax gasket.

31. Set toilet onto new gasket, lining up bolts into holes.

32. Sit on toilet to squeeze down was gasket. This was easy.

33. Put wing nuts on upward protruding bolts. Don't overtighten.

34. Dump a few gallons of water into toilet and check for leaks.

35. Replace tank on top of bowl, taking care not to remove already-perishing rubber gasket.

36. Tighten tank bolts.

37. Turn on water, while praying.

38. Observe--no leaks.

39. Flush, just for fun.

40. Spend the next 30 minutes cleaning up the mess, putting away the tools, mopping the floor, scraping up more brown wax.

Plant Condos

My old plastic hanging planters that I had for several years started to break, so I decided to replace them with some ceramic ones. I actually ordered these from an online store set up by the Mennonites called Ten Thousand Villages. Gary and Rachel both reacted negatively to their shape and color, but I suppose they'll get used to them eventually.