Sad

I've felt sad most of today. Even Chimbai, the 8 year old African boy who came by for his daily allotment of cookies, asked me why my voice was so sad. I can't hide things very well, can I? Lord, help me to trust you. Help me not to worry. Help me to be reassured of your love.

Not so empty nest

R got home safely yesterday from her 4th year of college. I'm proud of her for sticking with it and doing so well this semester. She's awaiting her grades, hopes to actually get all A's. We'll see.

She is fearful of job hunting. There is only one job she wants, and it will probably be several more days before she finds out if it has been filled. Lord, help her to trust you, give her the courage to deal with her fears.

Tomorrow Doro's mom and sister arrive for a week. That could be weird as Doro will have two mothers for a few days. Then I leave on Wednesday to drive to Indiana, leaving my house to strangers.

More cat hair

It is spring, so I guess I should expect the longhaired cat to be shedding her coat in preparation for summer. So I vacuum and vacuum again to clean it all up. Then today I had an idea--why not vacuum the cat herself, and see if that helps. Well, she didn't like the procedure, but since I'm bigger than her, she didn't have much of a choice. If I ever get another cat, I'll get a shorthair. Of course, in this case, I didn't make a choice, we just gave in after the poor thing spent three days outside our door crying to get in. I guess we're just softies for strays.

Lost mail

...has finally arrived. More than two months ago I mailed a fat envelope to R at her school. It contained a money order from the US Postal Service to pay for an exam she needed to take. When it didn't arrive a few days later, we had to go through the whole process again of filling out the test forms, getting another money order (they wouldn't take a check) and sending it priority (in order to make the deadline). Well, R took the test weeks ago, and yesterday the errant envelope finally arrived in her mailbox at school. Now I'm wondering if I can get my $100 back for the money order. I'm also wondering where that thing was for two months.

Mother's Day

I've had a good one. Nothing really special happened, but I do have a deep sense of God's goodness to me, both as a person and as a mother. Every Christmas my kids ask me, "What do you want for Christmas?" And every year I say, "Good kids." That leads to comments like, "What do you really want?" or "Well, that ain't gonna happen, so what is second on your list?" Thanks be to God, I do have good kids. They all love him. Now I have to trust him to care for them as they separate from me and move further into their own lives.

Not everyone is as fortunate as me: in church today we heard of H's family yesterday shutting off life support and watching her leave this world, a week after a stroke. And sadder still, a mother younger than me telling that she doesn't know where her daughter is. They've asked the police to help locate her. And my own mom, grieving the recent loss of her mother, although grandma lived long and died short.

Mothering is a very strong instinct, in my opinion. What does it mean to mother? Bearing your own children is one thing it means, but even more so, I think it means taking care of things. No, it means taking care of living things--plants, animals, and especially people. I guess it also involves the concept of dependence; a mother is someone whom other living things depend on for their well being. Women who never marry still need to take care of living things.