- Acknowledge the facts. I cut you off in traffic. Don't include any but,... statements.
- Admit you were wrong. I was wrong to do that.
- Apologize. I'm sorry.
- Ask for forgiveness. Will you forgive me?
No, I didn't write that because I'm mad at someone, or someone is mad at me. I wrote it to remind myself of the conclusion I came to several years ago when I thought hard about apologies. That situation came to mind due to some recent silly (and some not-so-silly) bickering on a forum I frequent.
Those many years ago, someone did something bad to one of my kids. (That's all the more specific I'm going to get and I will use all male pronouns when talking about the situation, regardless if the antecedent is male or female.) He tried to apologize, but he skipped directly to number 3, and could never come to terms with points 1 and 2. So in my mind, he never really apologized.
Of course, I am guilty of doing this too. It is hard to admit wrong, and it is easy to rationalize and make excuses. It is also, sadly, easier to observe these faults in others than in one's self.
3 comments:
Are you familiar with Peacemaker Ministries? They add a few more components to a genuine apology and call it the "Seven A's of Confession":
* Address everyone involved (all those whom you affected)
* Avoid if, but, and maybe (do not try to excuse your wrongs)
* Admit specifically (both attitudes and actions)
* Acknowledge the hurt (express sorrow for hurting someone)
* Accept the consequences (such as making restitution)
* Alter your behavior (change your attitudes and actions)
* Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)
They have some great teaching materials for all ages. If you are interested you can check them out at www.hispeace.org.
GrammaMack
I am somewhat familiar with Peacemaker Ministries. We've had people lead their workshops on location where I work. Good stuff.
bickering.. heh!
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