Monday, August 28, 2006

Separating

The title of this blog has to be reviewed every so often. My nest, at this stage of my life, is supposed to be empty. Since my boys are off, that just leaves Rachel, and she and we continue to try to figure out how to separate. Until now she hasn't had the financial resources to pay her own way, and that means she is still connected to us financially. That means she can't make all her own decisions about everything--that doesn't happen until there is financial independence. That is what we are aiming for, and what she is aiming for.

It is looking likely that she will get on the sub list for two big local school districts soon. It remains to be seen how often she will get called to come in. The pay isn't that great, but Rachel has reminded us that subbing is good experience for a teacher, and that subbing will make her more prepared and more confident to have her own classroom one day. She still has a number of babysitting jobs too, and that helps a little.

I am the impatient type, so it has been hard for me to have her so underemployed since last January. You can pray that God will help me to be more patient.

I think we may have come to a decent compromise that will help me to back off: we are going to ask Rachel to pay for all her own expenses (you know--car insurance, health insurance, phone, gas, food, rent, etc.) starting October 1. Up to this point she has been paying everything except health insurance and rent; unfortunately, adding those two will be a big chunk. But I just feel that she must take that responsibility upon herself. When she does that, it will be easier for me to quit "running her life" and for us to separate.

It will no longer be my concern that she get a job, or get a better job. It is her responsibility to pay her own way, including paying rent to us for our garage apartment. How she comes up with the money to do that is hers to figure out. (That won't stop me from praying that God will provide her with a good full time job that suits her and isn't too far away.)

I have hope that this new arrangement will improve our relationship. It will certainly give her the opportunity to take responsibility for herself, and not always have me telling her what to do. She will be independent because she is financially independent.

3 comments:

Charles Wesley said...

Wow, that must have been a difficult choice for you to make. Kudos to you for trying to help your daughter mature and grow in her independence; that's something that some parents *never* accomplish.

Anonymous said...

this is impressive but makes me feel spoiled. my mother still pays for my health insurance. I have a lot of medical problems that require a pretty good coverage plan and it is way out of our price range. we could never afford it, so for last year and this she is paying it. Lord willing i will get a teaching job when we move that will provide some.

Thainamu said...

We (and she) are fortunate that the health coverage we are using right now is a COBRA from our work. It is considerably cheaper than if she had to pay for coverage by just buying it directly.

And the amount of rent we are charging her is under market value too; nevertheless, making her start to pay is a step in the right direction for both us us, I blieve.