In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm going to post some thoughts I've been having about singles. I have two kids who are in the singles category so I observe them and I also observe their peers. Have you noticed, like I have, that blogs are a medium favored by a number of singles to talk about their singleness? As a single friend once told me, "The internet is an open place" and that's where many of my ideas come from for this post.
My comments here about single women, and those of tomorrow about single men, don't actually cover all singles. I'm focusing only on singles who are Christians; indeed, the Christian singles' scene should look pretty different from the secular singles' scene. Also, I'm not talking about sixteen year olds in this post. In general, I'm talking singles who are post-college.
A number of young people these days think there is value in waiting to get married until they are older. That in and of itself, doesn't sound so bad. But it does bring some problems. So if they're going to wait, they need to be ready to accept what that really means.
1. The biological aspect - For women, it means they are starting to get old. Yes, I know, mid to late twenties doesn't sound all that old, but if they wait to marry, then want to wait a couple years before having kids, their bodies are already past the prime for bearing children. Besides that, do they know how much energy it takes to raise children? and to raise teenagers? These women will be old and tired long before their children are grown.
2. The attractiveness aspect - It seems to me that women reach their peak of physical attractiveness by their early twenties, and slowly go downhill from there. So if physical beauty has anything to do with the relationships they want to have, they need to realize that at 27 they aren't going to look as good as they did at 21, and deal with that. They also need to realize that it is very easy to gain weight and very hard to take it off, especially in our sedentary society.
3. The biological clock aspect - Women, especially intelligent women, are encouraged to get an education, get a job, and put off marriage and/or motherhood until later. Sounds like good advice. But how many intelligent, educated, and working women do I hear whining that they now want to get married and have babies? Why is that? That is because it is a STRONG fact of life that women want to be married and have children. Women have a STRONG instinct to nurture.
4. Expectations - OK, so what do these single women in their mid to late twenties (or even older) want? They've gotten educated, they've gotten themselves a good job. They've proven they are capable and independent. They have put so much energy and time and money into that, they want a man who is as perfect as they are. I know one woman who is whining about wanting to get married, but everytime anyone says, "well, what about so-and-so?" she always says things like "he's too fat/skinny, he's too intelligent/dumb, he's too short/tall, he's too busy/lazy, he's too quiet/talkative." OK, friend, be picky if you must, but realize you may never find a perfect guy.
It is entirely possible that no one except Ma Hoyt even reads this blog, but just in case any of my single friends recognize themselves in today's or tomorrow's posts, please know that I'm not picking on you specifically, rather, I'm trying to synthesize things I've been observing in various places for a while now. I'm also going to save myself a potential problem by disallowing public comments. However, if anyone has anything to say to me about this post, he or she can email me at thainamu at gmail.com.
