My two unmarried children are both in dating relationships and have been spending some time thinking about "is she/he the right person to marry?" and "is there only one right person to marry?" I've already thought about this topic in a previous blog entry, but the topic has come to my mind again as I pray for my children and their relationships.
Currently, I'm thinking about this topic in terms of value. If, for instance, you are the only one for me, then I am going to value you greatly, be careful how I treat you, and make sure I don't lose you since you're irreplaceable. If, on the other hand, you are only 1 out of 100 whom I could marry, then your value is considerably less, maybe only 1/100. I can treat you with less care, because, if I lose you, it is only a minor and momentary loss--after all, there are 99 more waiting on my doorstep.
8 comments:
I need a new doorstep.
This reminds me of a conversation Loren and I had when we were "dating."
I said (speaking in general, not about him specifically) I was afraid that if I got married, I might meet someone later on that I thought I should have married, instead, and that I would always wonder...
But, he wisely replied, that once you are married, you will never be in a position to get to know someone else nearly as well as your spouse. At least, you SHOULDN't put yourself in that position.
That seemed to suddenly make sense in a way things hadn't, before.
But, once we were "serious," I couldn't imagine not marrying him. I had absolutely NO qualms before the wedding, and couldn't really understand people who got nervous before the ceremony.
For me, there was an extremely important requirement involved, having been very "serious" about another guy in my sophomore year of college....I had to marry someone intellectually stimulating. This realization came about unintentionally when the first guy gave me a book to read by Charley Shedd....(don't remember the title) but in it, the girl stated that she had found someone that it would take the rest of her life to know--he was that interesting. I considered the fellow I was basically pre-engaged to, and just knew that, while a tremendously "nice" Christian guy, he wasn't going to be that intellectually stimulating for me.
Other people might have other criteria...hopefully not shallow things like looks or riches.
I lean more toward the "there are several different people one can be happy with," theory. Just as there may be several different paths one could take and still be in the "will of God," how one ventures down that path, may determine who they meet, and when.
That's all for this epistle.
To Melchizedek: very funny. Maybe you prove my point.
In discussing this topic with my husband, he says that yes, there were any number of women he could have married. But once he did marry me, there was only one for him, making the discussion entirely moot.
For me, I had two "requirements" when looking for a husband--someone going the same direction in life (that is, I had already decided to become a missionary) and someone smarter than me. Turns out, I needn't have been so worried about number two, since I didn't exactly turn out to be an intellectual powerhouse. Or was it motherhood that drained all my brains out?? Anyway, I think Gary had a few qualms when we had a "fight" the week before the wedding, but fortunately he got over it,and I never doubted. It is wonderful to love and be loved without doubt and without hesitation. I pray all my kids end up with marriages like that
But what happens when "the only person" for you* dumps you? Do you find a new "only one"?
* -doesn't refer to me or anyone in particular.
Sadly enough, your comment indeed shows the logical problem with my theory (which I admitted to in my first post on this topic). The answer is, "Yes, you find another "only one," broken though your heart may be.
Or you kill yourself. j/k
Seems to stretch the meaning of "only" a bit...
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them (Psalm 139:16). And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left (Isaiah 30:21). Is there anywhere in the Bible where God gave His servants a choice of where to go, what to do, or who to marry? Didn't He always have a set plan?
GrammaMack
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