Communication

I'm in a pensive mood at the moment, feeling a little sad, drinking a cup of hot, black chai.

I want to talk about a situation, but it is possible some of the principals in my situation would read this blog (possible, but not likely), so forgive me if this post is written using in certain generalities.

I had an interesting encounter with a fellow believer last week that I feel was of God. The strong tug in my heart to respond to an email, the timing of an unexpected phone call from this person, etc., made me feel God was there. I sent a reply to my friend and today got another phone call from her. My friend was cordial enough, but definitely not in agreement with what I said. She is hurting because her child is marrying someone they don't approve of, but even more, she is hurting because there is broken fellowship between her and her child.

Were I in that situation, I would be hurting too. Her issue is important and I don't want to make light of it, but broken fellowship with a child would be very important.

As a parent we just love our kids so much, we pray for them so much, we want the best for them, we are happy when they are happy and we hurt when they hurt. But that whole sentence implies we actually know what is going on with our kids. And that implies communication. Communication is the responsibility of both parties.

Sometimes it is hard to be generous in spirit and to allow our kids (I'm actually talking about kids over 21 here) emotional freedom to be someone different from ourselves. For example, if they make choices we don't approve of, what are we to do? Should we just shut up and pretend all is well, pretend we are OK with something when we really aren't? Should we express our disapproval? If yes, how should we do so? Is there a time for expressing it, and then another time for not expressing it?

Sigh. I hurt for my friend, even though she probably thinks I'm taking her child's side in the matter. I do blame her for not being more open to her child choices, but I blame her child too, for not being more willing to talk--shutting down communication just hurts everybody.